Capture a Feeling...

I touched on this in my last post, but I really wish there was a true way of capturing my feelings that was powerful enough to remind me the next time I'm thinking of acting on my impulses.

Case in point, when I go to sushi I focus on how good it sounds and have a euphoric feeling when I start eating it. However, my feelings start to spiral into guilt and shame when I think of the money and calories I have expended for a fleeting event (and trust me, when I eat sushi it's an event!) that makes me feel so low. (Thank you carbs).

To help capture this feeling, I have tried journaling, but when I'm making rash decisions I don't really go back and read how awful things made me feel, all of my previous experiences are thrown out the window.

Looking at pictures can help, but it also seems to spur a hopelessness feeling in me that eggs me on in my poor decisions. I haven't tried video yet, but I think I might try that next time.

Just like emotions are formed based off of many factors, maybe my ultimate aid will be a combination of self-worth, will power, and these verbal and written documentation of my feelings.

Free Running

Apparently I'm a few years behind, but I'm a fan of parkour, well actually free running. In my defense, I just didn't know there was a name to the level of bad assery in movies as diverse as Casino Royale and Paul Blart: Mall Cop. And even though I love The Office, my fellas didn't quite have it.

For those who don't know, parkour is is a movement/discipline based on efficiently traversing the environment which includes jumping, climbing, rolling, swinging, and scaling. Many parkour enthusiasts, also called traceurs, are also free runners.

Free running takes many elements of parkour, but adds stunts. Unlike traceurs, free runners are interested in creative and aesthetic touches that can go against the efficient nature of parkour.

I actually came across this community watching American Ninja Warrior on G4TV. (Thank the heavens for the premium cable package I upgraded to in the summer!) American Ninja Warrior is an offshoot of Sasuke, a competitive game show in Japan. G4 is also launching a new show next week called Jump City which features some of the athletes from American Ninja Warrior.

A couple of my favorites from American Ninja Warrior were Levi Meeuwenberg (gotta love a fellow Michigander) and Brian Orosco and they are on Team Tempest which will be featured in Jump City. I'm really excited to see what all of the teams can do

So why am I writing about this on my weight loss blog? Because it's pretty freaking amazing. As someone supremely uncoordinated, it is inspiring to see what people can do with their bodies. I love how much talent, practice, and passion is necessary to pull off the moves and salute anyone who can do it. Watching the videos of these athletes I am touched by the artistry and dedication it takes for them to excel. Even though I can't do a somersault, it motivates me to make a difference in my life.

And anyone who knows a kid being teased for doing gymnastics needs to check out the videos on YouTube because these ladies and gentlemen are no joke.


Picture source: waveformless.blogspot.com

Birthday

So I'm another year older...well technically just a day older. What a difference a year does and doesn't make...

There's nothing like a major holiday or milestone that gets me thinking of the what if, has been, and never was moments of my life. I attribute many of these to my weight, but who's ultimately in charge of THAT?

Last year I literally went straight from a session with my UKC cohorts about our struggles to TGI Fridays for potato skins and a burger. A couple of years before I remember going to Weight Watchers to weigh in and doing the same thing.

This year I went crazy. Like really crazy. I ate breakfast at the grill in my office building, went out to lunch with my co-workers, went to happy hour, and then went to Dave and Busters.

Where has all of this gotten me? More importantly, why do I do this and how do I stop? I always wish I could capture the feeling of shame and regret that follows the euphoric feeling of eating. But more to come on that later...

Subway

There's no doubt that Subway is healthy...compared to other items in the American diet. I'm far from a nutritionist, but whether I'm counting calories, points, carbs, or protein Subway falls short for me. Personally, protein not only fills my belly, it satisfies me. I lerve me some sandwiches, but I can truly eat a 12" turkey and feel unsatieted afterward.

Some of you may have seen my tweet last week. I had not planned my meals so I stopped in at Subway and got a 6" breakfast flatbread. While I was there I figured I should pick up a healthy lunch and got a 12" turkey swearing to myself that I would only eat half.

Well, I ate all of the flatbread by 8:30am and polished off the footlong at noon and was ravenous all day. THEN, I went to enter everything into my BodyBugg web app and was surprised to see I had eaten 470 calories for breakfast and 640 calories for lunch for a combined carbohydrate intake of 132. Holy white bread, Batman!

Lesson learned, lesson learned. I know that having Subway twice a day is an extreme, but I know there are people out there who think they can eat anything from Subway and be the next Jared.

I implore everyone to go to Subway's website and read about their nutrition (http://www.subway.com/applications/NutritionInfo/index.aspx). Don't just look at calories or nutrients, look at the actual ingredients. Did you know that the wheat bread there actually has HFCS? Did you know the steak and meatball sandwiches had THAT many calories? Just some food for thought. (Oh come on, you knew that tagline was coming!)

I like Subway and it's a fast alternative to unhealthy options. No joke the Subway I went to was in 100 foot radius of a Del Taco, chinese restaurant, bagel shop, Thai place, and a pizza place. However, I am now more informed and will plan ahead for what I can and should have.

Body Composition with DEXA Scans

After seeing it on The Biggest Loser, I wanted to have a DEXA Scan done on myself to evaluate how much fat and muscle I truly had.

I had no idea how few places actually did this. I only found one in my area. A DEXA scan is primarily used to check bone density, but some practices use it to measure body composition, as well.

Anyone out there saying their scale measures this for them, prepare to have your mind blown. Whether you are using a scale or one of the handheld grip devices, the unit's energy waves only penetrate about half of your body depending on your size. Please bear in mind this is standard stock stuff, nothing too fancy or expensive.

Now for me, it didn't end up making that much of a difference, I think that may be attributed to my short stature and the fact that most of my fat is in my belly. However, if you carry your muscle or fat primarily in your legs or arms, these devices may give you unreliable information.

I've had DEXA scans done twice. Unfortunately the results weren't drastically different, but I know one day they will be. Actually, I can't say I have a 100% accurate reading because my technician was talking on her cell phone and didn't realize that parts of my body were hanging out of bounds each time. (Yes, part of this is because I am large)

So do you have to be afraid to do this test? Not really. I went to an integrative medical clinic and they do it there. If you aren't familiar with integrative medicine, it is a concept where doctors who are primarily MDs integrate alternative therapies into their everyday practices. These doctors are very health conscious and actually study electromagnetic waves and the body so if they tell you it's low grade risk then you're good to go.

When they did the scan I kept my street clothes and just laid down. I totally felt like I was a document being scanned into a computer, which I guess was fairly accurate. To avoid movement they did confine my legs together, but otherwise the scanner hovers about a foot overhead and moves down and then up your body so you aren't enclosed. In less than 10 minutes you are ready to go.



A couple of weeks later I receive a full report in the mail that is fairly easy to explain. Not only does it give you an overall reading, it gives you a region reading so you can also see if your body is symmetrical. This can be of benefit if you have had a sports injury so you know what you need to do to balance your body.

For me, the scan itself wasn't very expensive, but I had to pay an initial visit fee with the doctor which was expensive.

There are other options out there, the Bod Pod is supposed to be accurate, but it cannot accommodate everyone. There's also the tried and true hydrostatic testing otherwise known as going in the "dunk tank".

For now, I can't wait until I fit in the line guides and know I have an accurate measurement. Furthermore, I can't wait to see my body composition change and as a techie am excited to be able track my progress.

Has anyone else tried this or other types of testing? What do you think?

Weight Watchers

History
I have been a Weight Watcher off and on since 8th Grade. I joined with my mom pretty much every year up until my senior year when I joined with friends.

At that time I remember I was ravenous - I had postponed both of my gym classes until the last part of my senior year and I would run a mile 3 times a week and it was frustrating because it seemed like my time never improved and the skinny girls would hide behind this "shield" on the other side of the track or other overweight people would run 3 laps and I would be the only one clocking in at 14 minutes.

I didn't really join WW in college, I think my mom and I had tried to give it a go but it never stuck for more than a month. We were onto fad type diets like meal replacement shakes by then.

Frustrations
As someone who even in 8th grade had significant weight to lose, my frustration with Weight Watchers was when I would have leaders who lost 15 pounds and hit goal. This was a barrier to communication and proper help in many ways. First, they had never been fat and didn't know what it was like. Secondly, they didn't have food co-dependency or the lack of self control that accompanies.

Case A: In past incarnations of the program you figured out your daily points range by factoring in the first two digits of your weight. My last leader saw I wasn't writing anything down in Orientation and couldn't fathom that I can add 5 numbers in my head and demanded I tell them how many points I got. I politely replied that I didn't want to tell everyone my weight. It's these types of things that make me self conscious at WW. Oh yeah, also when I'm in a group of people that are in their weight range looking to slim up for cruises.

My best leader was when I lived in Las Vegas. She was young, vivacious, had lost 80 pounds, and loved life. To top it off she was 4 months pregnant and you couldn't even tell. She was living the lifestyle.

My final beef with Weight Watchers was that with the points system it was easy to choose processed foods over clean foods because they were the same points. This definitely wasn't helped when WW started coming out with their own product lines, but everyone has to make money and their stuff is tasty.

Points Plus
So this brings us to present day. I joined WW and this is my second week. I have to applaud them for their eTools system, which gets better every time I join, and for the monthly pass because it keeps me invested in the program for at least a month. (Though I'm really not sure who goes to multiple meetings a week...)

In November Weight Watchers rolled out their new Points Plus Plan which is really just an alliterative way of saying New Points. With this program you analyze your fat, fiber, protein, and carbohydrates to evaluate points as opposed to the calories, fat, and fiber of yesteryear. They have also now made all fruits zero points. The reason I like this is it encourages cleaner eating by showing that an apple, even if it is a few points, is better than a bag of chips.

They've probably had this for a while, it's been 2 years since I was in WW, but they also have iPhone and Blackberry apps which are great. However, I can't wait for them to do something for my Android. It just isn't socially acceptable to whip your iPad out in public casually, even in Orange County, and you can't use a slide ruler anymore.

So is Weight Watchers for everyone? No, but no weight loss plan is. What I like about Weight Watchers is it gives you the option of what to eat. If you want a Lean Cuisine, eat a Lean Cuisine. If you want birthday cake, just budget it in. I also like the accountability of having a group meeting and weigh in to go to. They celebrate every little thing at Weight Watchers and it seems trivial but the 5 pound star stickers and the other things they give out do make you feel good.

Anecdote
Okay so I just thought this was funny, my mom joined me at WW this week and she was so upset that she is 170 and 5'8". I know right, cry me a freaking river! But anyways, there were two women in line behind us who started talking because they were both joining and recognized each other from previous attempts. My mom got up on the scale and they said she had gained 6.6 pounds since 2009 and the ladies were scoffing about how 3 pounds a year isn't that bad. Needless to say, that made my mom's night. It's all about perspective. Your weight is going to fluctuate, the problem my mom has had is that her health is on a decline and while she doesn't eat anything terrible like I tend to, she doesn't eat particularly healthy either so it's also about how you feel on the inside.

Count Your Blessings...and Your Inches

When I'm feeling down about what the numbers say on the scale or even where the measuring tape falls, I find it helps to go back and look at my journal to see how far I've come.

Not all milestones can be reduced to a number. What are the milestones you have accomplished? What else do you want to accomplish?

Here are some of my goals:

• Train my brain to realize that fullness and satiety are different. Learn that fullness is a physical feeling, not a mental idea of how much I need
• Lose the bloat and feel great!
• Move down a size at Lane Bryant
• Go faster and longer at the gym
• Fit into certain clothes in my closet again
• Fit into Express again (it's been since 2002, I can't even really say that I like a lot of their clothing, but it's still a goal)

Things I have accomplished already:

• I've become more trim (see my friend Chris' blog about what muscle looks like vs fat here).
• Broadened my fitness horizons by trying kettlebells and yoga
• I finally get out and see the beautiful scenery Southern California has!

During UKC the scale really never moved in my favor like I wanted to, but at the end it was so rewarding when I learned I had lost 15 inches. Our relationship with the scale is that of a fair weathered fan. What got me through those six weeks was the energy I felt, the fact that I was moving down in sizes, other clothing was fitting better, and I actually felt that I can do this!

Just remember that losing weight is nearly 100% mental stamina and you are a strong human being who can accomplish nearly anything you put your mind to!

PCOS & Blood Sugar Levels

Just over a year ago I was surprised to find out I was pre-diabetic. Even though I was well aware that diabetes is related to obesity, I always thought I was one of those healthy obese people. (Yes, I know how that sounds!)

I hadn't even heard of pre-diabetes but was surprised to know that I began showing some symptoms years before. My blood sugar wasn't actually that bad. The majority of symptoms I actually show are related to PCOS, or polycystic ovary syndrome. PCOS and pre-diabetes go hand in hand for many women.

I was initially very angry when I first was diagnosed. How many times had doctors drawn blood and nobody caught my blood sugar levels were rising? How many times had I told doctors that I had heavy irregular cycles?

It just goes to show that you know your body and need to stand up for yourself. Most doctors probably hear menstrual complaints from most female patients so it probably goes overlooked a lot of the time. I am probably going on a rant here, but my mom had endometriosis when she was younger and was essentially told to "walk it off" at the time. Before she was diagnosed with leukemia she laid on the couch for months withering away. You have to be proactive in your health care. Don't resign yourself to an average or less than average fate.

A side note, my mom's doctor had run most of the tests that she could have and my mom has a lot of other conditions that affect diagnosis so I don't blame her doctor. But, being proactive in your overall wellness will help you in the long run. Doctors see dozens of patients a day, but you live in your body 24-7.

What have I done differently in the past year?

1. Metformin. There are other drugs, but metformin is used to treat PCOS and pre-diabetes for most people diagnosed
2. Cut out as much sugar or "white" foods as possible. Obviously sugar is a culprit of high blood sugar levels, but what many people fail to see is that the body breaks down fats and starches into sugar. White foods tend to break down faster than alternatives. For instance, your body will burn through white rice much faster than brown rice.
3. Cut out as much gluten as possible
4. Eat fruits and veggies. Above and beyond the nutritional basics, they are natural to your body
5. Cut out processed foods. A lot of processed foods contain soy and
6. Green Tea. PCOS can cause elevated testosterone levels which can be combatted with green tea. I love Starbucks' Green Tea so I drink it when I can (you can actually buy gallon bags like they get in the store to save money). I also take green tea supplements

For more information regarding PCOS visit http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm.

If you want to start seeing a doctor who practices alternative therapies try searching on American College For Advancement in Medicine's (ACAM) online search engine. The database includes doctors and other types of practitioners such as nutritionists who believe in treating the patient, not the symptoms.

EDIT: June 14th. Okay, so I encourage anyone who hasn't already done so to Google pictures of PCOS. It isn't pretty and thoroughly grossed me out and enraged me at the same time. Some friends of mine get regular ultrasounds too which are a great idea and I'm going to talk to my doctor about. When I was diagnosed my primary care doc was pretty vague and I think there is a serious discussion we need to have now.

Last Coke

Okay, I have a ton of draft posts that are really old now but I still wanted to share. Just keep in mind this is about a month oldnow.

One of my major addictions since childhood has been Coke. No, not "the hard stuff", a coke-a-cola. I have a feeling that as time wears on we will find out that soda is just as damaging as drugs in the long run.

I gave soda up as a New Year's Resolution in 2007 and went just about a year without a soda. I slowly started treatig myself to one every now and then and then in the past couple of months since the end of UKC, I have been drinking it fairly regularly.

A familiar feeling returned, the absolutely worst cravings ever. Bad food and soda go hand in hand with me, so why not go for the burger. Who doesn't have coke with pizza? What's worse though is the soda cravings. I remember sitting in class in college thinking that I needed a coke as soon as class was out. I sat there thinking my body language must make it look like I am a smoker.

When I gave up soda I started drinking a lot of water which is good, but I also started substituting it with juice which is also bad. Old habits die hard, I accidentally poured myself one the other day at lunch. I felt bad and bought it since it was already in the cup, but I threw it away before I even got into the office.

Here are some coping strategies I have found:

1. Drink tea. I personally love Tazo Green Tea from Starbucks, I had 2 venti cups of iced tea on Saturday and Sunday and it helped take the edge off
2. Read up on soda and what it does to your body!
3. Suck on ice cubes
4. Eat something sweet like fruit or sorbet or put fruit in your water
5. Get moving! It always makes me crave water
6. Occupy yourself with something. Preferably you should keep yourself active, but putting in a movie or playing a game should suffice in a pinch
7. Journal about it! It will keep you on track as well as help you work out your dependency on soda. I fully believe a lot of people transfer addictions so even if you are only a casual soda drinker it may help you develop positive behavior as a substitute for other self destructive alternatives

My Goals

Okay, so I haven't been on track which is an absolute shame (on me). I was looking at the calendar and realized I am "behind", it's amazing how it's so easy to say you are going to be a certain weight by a certain time, yet so hard to actually execute!

So, inspired by what Alysia said at today's LiveFit I decided to re-sync my goals and milestones and here's my commitment:

I have a lot of milestones and events coming my way, my cousin is getting married in September, but first I'm going in to Michigan to see my family for a wedding shower in June. Many of you know my big picture goal for UKC was to wear a "raunchy" (Alysia's term, mine was slutty) Halloween costume when I am in Las Vegas for Halloween, that still stands and I have to look good.

More seriously, I'd like to be 145-150 by Christmas and a healthy 135 by my 27th birthday, new year, new me!

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

Okay, so I know that the show ended a few weeks ago, but I just caught up. What did everyone think?

I thought it was remarkable what he was trying to accomplish, I had heard a bit about what he did in England and if anyone needs help it's America. It was shocking to see the carbs and sugar that were being fed to children who are expected to sit in class all day and learn. This is what we're fueling our future on. My jaw was on the floor when he got in trouble for not having enough starch or the time when he didn't have enough vegetables, yet the french fry line got a pass.

I understand that it's good television, but I couldn't believe there were so many neighsayers! But then I thought about it and a lot of the things that happened on the show parallel adopting a healthy lifestyle overall.

1. There are people who don't like or cannot accept the change
2. After adoption has been complete, people fall off the wagon and need to be nudged back into the right direction

I was so happy to see that so many people were receptive to the changes and that the neighsayers eventually saw the light. It was hard for me to relate to Jamie's main adversaries since he was trying to help besides the fact that it makes for great television.

What did I come up with? Other than the fact that he is British and not as widely popular in the States as he is in the UK, it can be frustrating when someone comes in and points out your flaws and claims to have the solution to something you struggle with daily. The British part may sound funny, but I truly think that if Rachael Ray came into a small town in America to help out that she would have a different reception. Now, her and Jamie's backgrounds and approaches may have also been quite different.

One of the most shocking moments, to me, was the chicken demonstration. I don't think I'll ever see a chicken patty or nugget the same way again. And how crazy was it that the kids wanted to still eat them? I was pretty old (2nd Grade) when I realized where meat came from and was thoroughly disgusted. Yes I know, I was naive. I think I knew chicken came from chickens, but beef from cows blew my mind. That was my first (and probably longest) attempt to go vegetarian.

I think that overall this has opened the eyes of a lot of parents, in conjunction with the mass popularity of a lot of different documentaries out there. I definitely feel encouraged that the First Lady is taking an active hand in childhood obesity and nutrition, I feel like it's a great first step forward.

Who Made You Fat?

So my friends at ACAM run a wellness blog called Community Table with a lot of great stuff. Earlier this week they posted an article from London Free Press that got me thinking. It centers around why we are fat, who or what is at the root?

Steve Siebold, author of Diet Fat or Get Tough, "Getting fat is 100% your fault. It's not partly your fault; it's completely your fault."Siebold is well aware of the tolls obesity takes as a former "fat-tub-of-lard with my belly hanging over my belt." The article, of course counters that there are medical reasons for obesity.

As you can imagine this mentality has gotten a lot of flack for its hard hitting blunt mentality.What do I think about it? I have to be a chick and make a Sex and the City reference to the infamous "He's Just Not That Into You" episode. I want to talk about how my brain is hardwired and how it was too late by the time I had a real choice, but alas the option to put the fork down has been staring me in the face ever since I realized there was a choice.

I had it all written out - how habits are formed from the crib and so forth - but if that is truly the case, why was it that during UKC I experienced a significant reduction in cravings? Well, my body was detoxing from all of the toxins first of all, but what I was left with was what I think normal people experience. Things sounded yummy, but I didn't have the hard hitting cravings I was once a slave to; which, came back after I started reintegrating certain not-so-good foods into my life, by the way.

Lets take a look at some of the 'Die Fat or Get Fit' fundamentals

* "Fat people eat for pleasure; fit people eat for health" While this assumes non-fat people are fit, how many times have we heard, "I used to live to eat but now I live to eat" on The Biggest Loser?

* "Fat people believe there's a secret to getting fit; fit people know there is no secret" Where is the magic diet pill people have died trying to find?

* "Fat people are obsessed with food; fit people are obsessed with success." I actually see the other side, fat people are obsessed with success so much so they get in their own ways trying to find perfection.

* "Fat people believe 99% compliance is good; fit people believe 99% compliance is terrible" Well, that's a bit extreme for me, that fit person sounds a bit crazy in my opinion

* "Fat people negotiate the price of success; fit people just pay the price" Okay, I see that. Trying to find the easy way out or talking yourself out of that 1% compliance. But once again, doesn't everyone do that?

So what do you guys think? Fact or Bull? As Mr. Siebold says, "This epidemic will continue to escalate until people wake up and realize they are the problem as well as the solution."

Yoga For Dummies

So everyone that knows me is well aware that I'm lacking in the balance/coordination department. Kettlebells have helped with that a lot and my flexibility has increased as well.

Lately my hips have been tight, I'm not as good with stretching as I should be, so why not try yoga as a one stop shop exercise?

I have to admit that I have a ton of fitness DVDs that have gone unused for years. Years ago I bought a lot of Yoga DVDs when I worked at Best Buy. I did a Kathy Smith one and was so lost that I stopped. Well last night I popped in Yoga For Dummies DVD and liked it!

It really is the basics, but it gave a good overview of where each part of your body should be and what it should be doing at various stages of the moves which I found helpful. I was actually mad at myself that I've had the program for a long time and never used it.

I'd try to get it on Netflix or the library since it was really basic, but the instructor was helpful and the "dummy" tips were useful too.

Who Made You Overweight?

So my friends at ACAM run a wellness blog called Community Table with a lot of great stuff. Today they posted an article from London Free Press that got me thinking. It centers around why we are fat, who or what is at the root?

Steve Siebold, author of Diet Fat or Get Tough, "Getting fat is 100% your fault. It's not partly your fault; it's completely your fault."Siebold is well aware of the tolls obesity takes as a former "fat-tub-of-lard with my belly hanging over my belt." The article, of course counters that there are medical reasons for obesity.

As you can imagine this mentality has gotten a lot of flack for its hard hitting blunt mentality.What do I think about it? Sort of a "he's just not that into you" moment. While he makes many good points about personal responsibility and us being the masters of our own destinies, you have to admit that some habits start pretty much from the crib. Sure when you're older you can decide to eat a salad or pizza, but the question is whether or not the brain is already hard wired.

But alas, am I BSing myself? Is this indignation I'm feeling caused by my own doubt? If food is hardwired into the brain, why did my cravings significantly drop when I was doing Ultimate Kettlebell Camp? Well one, the toxins started to exit my body without replenishment and what was left was head hunger. Things sounded yummy, but I didn't have the hard hitting cravings I was once a slave to; which, came back after I started reintegrating certain not-so-good foods into my life, by the way.

Lets take a look at some of the 'Die Fat or Get Fit' fundamentals

* "Fat people eat for pleasure; fit people eat for health" While this assumes non-fat people are fit, how many times have we heard, "I used to live to eat but now I live to eat" on The Biggest Loser?

* "Fat people believe there's a secret to getting fit; fit people know there is no secret" Where is the magic diet pill people have died trying to find?

* "Fat people are obsessed with food; fit people are obsessed with success." I actually see the other side, fat people are obsessed with success so much so they get in their own ways trying to find perfection.

* "Fat people believe 99% compliance is good; fit people believe 99% compliance is terrible" Well, that's a bit extreme for me, that fit person sounds a bit crazy in my opinion

* "Fat people negotiate the price of success; fit people just pay the price" Okay, I see that. Trying to find the easy way out or talking yourself out of that 1% compliance. But once again, doesn't everyone do that?

So what do you guys think? Fact or Bull? As Mr. Siebold says, "This epidemic will continue to escalate until people wake up and realize they are the problem as well as the solution."

The Purpose

Hi Everyone!

Welcome to my blog. Please see my 'Finding My Healthy Self' entry for a full background on me. All the posts you see before this one are from a different blog I was working on.

Here's the deal: I've been fat all of my life. Well, first stocky, then heavy, then fat, then morbidly obese. Gosh that stings. I've finally committed myself to get healthy, I'm sick of being the person I am now, what people see is only a shadow of who I feel like I truly am.

I am on the top of my game when I'm writing down my feelings and what is going on which brings us here. I'm not here to get notoriety or recognition, this is just millionth + one wellness oriented blog. I'm not the best writer, I don't always have the most interesting stories, I don't know a lot of technical stuff about writing, but here I am!

- Megan